The Drinking Game
by PwnedByPineapple
Summary: Germany, China, and Iceland have a drinking game. It doesn't end well. Crack. Contains extremely out-of-character drunkenness and general Hetalia mayhem.


**Birthday gift for a friend. She wanted Germany, China, and Iceland in a crackfic, so I obliged.**

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><p>It was just one of those days when, without consciously agreeing to, the nations all ended up at one of their collective drinking spots. A pub by the name of Tom Blair's, it was one of America's, and it was acceptable even by the tastes of the most critical among them. There was an agreement between America and the bar's owner, and no one asked questions if a few foreigners showed up during the week to mingle and have a drink. However, it had been a long, <em>long <em>day in a string of even longer days, and it was more than a few that showed up that night.

Germany wouldn't have been surprised if half the world was present. The bar's regulars were looking on in a mixture of surprise, curiosity, and suspicion as accented conversation and languages other than English quickly became prominent; Germany had his hands full running around reminding the dolts among his fellows not to blow their cover or draw unwanted attention. It was bad enough that so many of them had showed up in one place, without the addition of every loud-mouthed idiot in the world - especially when said idiots were getting _drunk_. His brother's trio was proving particularly troublesome, and Italy was just _himself_, and it got to the point where Germany just gave up, washing his hands of whatever happened next. He found a relatively safe corner of the bar where two unlikely but blessedly sane nations were also taking refuge.

"_Ni hao_," said China as Germany extracted himself from the throng, and Iceland merely nodded in greeting.

Germany returned the nod and immediately ordered the strongest beer the place had. In all the chaos, he hadn't even had a chance to indulge, and he wanted his beer, _verdammt_! When the drink arrived, he took a sip and heaved a deep sigh. Now, that was better.

The three nations weren't accustomed to 'hanging out' and so it was only a companionable silence that passed between them as they lurked in their corner of the bar and observed. And then, wonder of wonders...

"How about a drinking game?" Iceland suggested.

He had a quiet, emotionless kind of voice, and Germany didn't even register that he had proposed the idea until a few moments had passed. Then both Germany and China were looking at Iceland in surprise, and Iceland only regarded them calmly, looking a little bored, and waited for an answer.

"A drinking game, aru?" China asked hesitantly. "Why?"

Iceland shrugged. "It's not like there's anything better to do."

Germany considered this and found no faults with it. If it meant more beer, well... "I'll drink to that," he said, raising his glass.

Finding himself outnumbered, China shrugged as well. "I've never done a drinking game before," he said. "Maybe it will be fun, aru."

Germany ordered them another round of drinks and handed one each to Iceland and China. "Well... how does this work, then?" he asked.

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><p>It started out rather small, but as the three nations gradually grew more and more drunk, it ended up a little something like this:<p>

... for every stupid statement America made, every attempt to hit on someone by France, every drunken swear England or Romano shouted, every use of the word 'awesome' by Prussia, every 'kolkol' emitted by Russia, every 've' North Italy used, and every attempt by Denmark to start karaoke, they had to take a sip of beer.

Unfortunately, they'd rather underestimated how utterly predictable their fellow nations were.

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><p>"This," said Germany thickly, struggling to pick just the right words, "is the best day <em>ever<em>."

"No it's not," China said glumly, staring down at the last inch of beer left in his mug and wondering if he should drown himself in it.

Meanwhile, Iceland was giggling about something that the other two still hadn't determined.

"Yes it is," Germany insisted. "C'mere." Here he tried to wrap an arm around China to give him a friendly hug, but found the angle just a little challenging. However, China didn't resist, only sniffed and hiccupped, and Germany finally managed to awkwardly give him a brohug.

"Whoa! West!" said a different voice. "You never give hugs! How drunk _are _you?" Prussia had come to order another drink and was grinning at the three of them, seeming delighted.

"A _lot_," slurred Germany.

Prussia kesese'd.

"Hey," Iceland said, interrupting them. "Hey, guys... I have like, a joke. You know the one about crossing the street to get to the other side? Well..." But he frowned and seemed briefly confused. "Wait, I just forgot it."

Germany thought this was funny and started giggling (in a manly way, of course). China sighed at how not-funny it was, sinking even further into depression. And Prussia was rather amazed.

"_Iceland?_" he asked. "What's up with _you_?"

"Beer," said Iceland, which was more or less true.

Prussia grabbed his drink and disappeared to tell everyone how totally weird the newly formed trio was acting.

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><p>"C'mon," said Germany. "Let's go mingle."<p>

China frowned, not liking this suggestion. "But... I thought the point of this game was _not _to mingle."

"But mingling is... is... fun. You know."

"Yeah," said Iceland. "Let's mingle."

"Can we please stop using that word?" China asked mournfully.

Germany and Iceland each grabbed one of the older nation's arms and hauled him to his feet, dragging him into the chaos.

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><p>"Ohonhon," said France. "It seems Germany and China and Iceland are all drunk silly! Oh, what fortuitous circumstances..."<p>

The said nations were currently engaged in a game of darts, and that was only a loose term for it. 'Failing' at a game of darts would have been more appropriate. So far, China was in the lead, and that was only because he seemed to channel the absolute misery the beer had brought about into his throws, coming closer to the center than the other two managed. Still, that wasn't saying much. He'd nearly speared America with one of his darts earlier when it had missed the dart board completely.

France approached with great enthusiasm, already slipping into seductive mode... that is, until his life flashed before his eyes when Germany's dart flew backwards instead of forwards and came _this_ close to piercing France in the eye.

France did not hit on anyone else for the rest of the night, and there was much rejoicing over this.

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><p>"The meaning of life," said China, very deeply and sadly and importantly, "is... is..."<p>

His somewhat inebriated audience waited with bated breath, eyes wide. No matter what relations may have been between them, China was the oldest, had the most life experience. Surely only words of wisdom could come from this moment. Surely it would be truly enlightening.

"... is... I don't _know_. I don't think it even _has_ a meaning. It's just _there_, y'know? Loud and crazy and pointless, aru." China sighed sadly and hiccupped.

Everyone stared at him.

"What?" asked China.

Some of them were so disappointed that they might have shed a tear or two.

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><p>"Nor!" Denmark was shouting. "Nor, you gotta see this!"<p>

"What?" Norway asked irritably, finally responding to shouts... which were right in his ear.

"Iceland is _dead_ drunk right now. Look!"

Norway was interested in spite of himself. His younger brother, normally so quiet and cold, seemed to have taken on an entirely different personality now. Iceland was currently attempting a balancing act on one of the uniform lines of the wood floor... and failing pretty miserably at it. Everyone around him was looking on in surprise or amusement or, in Germany's incredibly out-of-character case, extreme hilarity.

Denmark was cracking up, and Norway... well, Norway decided to take advantage of the situation.

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><p>"So," said Norway. "Are you finally going to call me 'Big Brother' now?"<p>

Unfortunately for him, Iceland was not _that_ drunk. "No," slurred the younger brother, shaking his head adamantly.

Norway heaved a sigh and reconsidered. Perhaps the trick would be to get Iceland even more drunk. Hmm. That was a good idea.

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><p>Most of the regulars had been driven out early by this point, but the bartender wasn't really complaining. These foreigners paid and paid well, even though they tended to dissolve into arguing when it came to the exact exchange rate between US dollars and their own money. However, the bartender was rather concerned about <em>how much <em>these people could drink. Much more than a normal person, that was for sure, and they tended to get pretty chaotic when imbibing such copious amounts of alcohol.

He thought about putting the foot down, but... he thought about it too late.

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><p>It started when Norway bought Iceland an entire bottle of beer.<p>

Iceland, sensing the deception, tried to throw it back at him. Unfortunately, when a drunk person is aiming at someone, that someone is probably the safest person in the general vicinity.

The bottle sailed past Norway, completed an entire graceful arc, and crashed down on Russia.

Dead silence reigned, and every eye was on the intimidating larger nation, who very calmly picked bits of broken glass off of himself. Then he turned around, ever so slowly, _still_ smiling, and his violet eyes seemed to glow with anger.

"Who threw that?" he asked. It didn't help that Belarus was nearby, glowering with perhaps an even scarier aura.

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><p>Needless to say, the ensuing fight got them all kicked out and possibly banned. Half the world stood in the street outside the pub, muttering to themselves now that they were sufficiently calmer than before. Russia had dealt out a few black eyes and seemed content with that, and everyone was nursing small grudges against each other, but the worst that would result from this would be a few days of rather strained international relations.<p>

In the center of the group, the unlikely trio mourned together.

"I'll miss that beer," Germany said, gazing back at the pub and shaking his head, maybe even sniffing a little.

China was still just depressed from all the alcohol, so he allowed Germany to hold him in a hug with one arm. The other arm was around Iceland's shoulder, who really didn't have a reason to be sad but decided to commiserate with his new friends all the same.

One by one, the nations started to depart for home, some of them staggering together and the more sober ones taking charge of their heavily drunk friends. It was a deep and meaningful parting between Germany, China, and Iceland, too.

"Bye, you guys," Iceland slurred; Norway was approaching to make sure he got home safely. "That was like, awesome."

Germany hugged him again. "I know," he said with a sigh. "It was."

China just nodded, sniffing.

Then they left. Meaningful, you see?

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><p>The next day and, in fact, the next week or so, Iceland refused to show his face anywhere. China came out after a few days, but Germany was used to getting that drunk often, so he brushed it aside - after reassuring Italy that no, he was not replacing any friends and yes, they were still BFFLs.<p>

And there was a small but marked improvement in relations between the three countries, however, when previously they'd had little to do with each other.

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><p><strong>Yes, Iceland acts somewhat like Poland when he's drunk. No, I don't know why. Also, there is a Psych reference and a Supernatural reference in there somewhere. Pick either one out, and I will write something for you, no joke.<strong>


End file.
